literature

We Are the Revolution.

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oldforgegirl's avatar
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Literature Text

Dear World,
We are teenagers.
They say we're tomorrow's future,
They say we're tomorrow's hope.
But then…
They say we're miscreants, fools, troublemakers,
They say we're impossible.

But here's a secret-
They don't know the first thing about us.

We are rebels, intensely confused mutineers, wishing so desperately to belong but irrefutably to pull away as well.
We are investigators, we look for ourselves behind every corner, but are stumped nonetheless.
We are lovers, we pour our souls, our hearts, into everything we do.

We are adults because we understand what life is about.
We are children because we hold onto our dreams despite that.

Our beliefs burn bright within our chests, and our passions flash like lightning through the summer air.
Our dreams outnumber the stars in the sky, but blaze like the fury of the sun itself.

We do not speak our minds, but scream them, blasting through the speakers until they burn a hole in your heart.

We may be tomorrow's hope, but we are today's spirit.
For tomorrow, we will lead.
But today we will dream. We will look to the skies before we shuffle to the masses. We will fight today because we will surrender tomorrow.

The force of age is relentless, lapping at our heels.
We will fight until we forget what we're fighting for.
We will change the world before it changes us.

Dear World,
We are the revolution.
And we will never surrender.
This is for :iconthewrittenrevolution:'s "Revolution" Contest. I've also had this in the gears of my mind for a little bit too ^-^

:iconthewrittenrevolution:
Is there anything I can do to make this flow better or make the effect stronger?

Edit: Changed a few tiny things, thanks a lot to ~kittylitters for the help.
© 2010 - 2024 oldforgegirl
Comments115
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mspadfoot2's avatar
:star::star::star::star::star: Overall
:star::star::star::star::star: Vision
:star::star::star::star::star: Originality
:star::star::star::star::star: Technique
:star::star::star::star::star: Impact

This is wonderful. It is powerful and intense and deserves to be screamed in front of a rally. It will instantly go on my favorites, and it deserves to be read by every teenager on this planet. Five stars all around.

One thing I really love is the parallel language and repetition. "They say," "We are," just the repetition of our and we in general. All this definitely adds a lot to the impact you get from reading it, adds to it's power.

The diction is very good too. I especially love the lines "Our dreams outnumber the stars in the sky, but blaze like the fury of the sun itself" and "We do not speak our minds, but scream it, blasting it through the speakers until it burns a hole into your heart."

But there are a few things that bother me a little. In the line I mentioned in my last sentence, you say "We do not speak our minds, we scream IT..." This bothers me. You say "minds" and then "it," when minds is plural. It should be them in this case. I understand where you are coming from though. Just a bit of a nitpick.

I also like how you repeat "Dear World" in particular at the end. It brings a nice feel of a finish to the piece. It ties everything up well, and acts as a very good conclusion.

All in all, a wonderful piece. You definitely deserved that daily deviation.