mommy's room

mommy's room smells like hospitality.

that's what julia thought it was called anyway.  it smelled like the perfume that mommy wore on special occasions and when she had company. it smelled like cinnamon and ginger and fancy people.

the 8 year old wrinkled her nose as she walked into the room, shoving the folding doors to the side with a smile. this wasn't mommy's room anymore, just her closet. her dressing room. julia grinned. mommy's a movie star, she whispered, then giggled.  

julia's mother wasn't a movie star. she was just a mommy.

daddy said that mommy didn't need a dressing room, daddy said that it was bigger than his daughter's rooms and it didn't make sense that a grown woman needed two rooms for herself.  mommy said that she did need it, and that they weren't using the god damn room for anything else, so why couldn't she feel pretty for once in her life and why didn't he love her anymore.

julia's excitement grew as she saw the mirror. it was a big mirror, with overhead lights, the kind you saw in the hollywood movies.  she had to step up on a box to look into it, it was just tall enough for grown-ups.  julia reached out to the mirror with her right hand, her left hand fingering her hair.  she had her mommy's hair, light brown, thick, and her daddy's warm brown eyes.  she hated those eyes, even they looked like golden turtle shells and made little smiling crinkles when she laughed. they were all well and good for her daddy, but she wanted the ones like her mom had, shades of tinkling aqua blue and a sunburst around the middle.

mommy always said that julia looked just like her, and little kayla looked more like her dad. but daddy said that julia acted more like her, she had the brains after all and then mommy said that daddy wouldn't know brains if they bit him in the behind. then daddy said that he was the one with the job after all, and mommy said she worked just as hard and then she started to cry.

it surprised julia when the wet tears started coming down her own face. she touched her fingers to her cheek in surprise, then wiped the salty drops away with the back of her hand. she looked back at the mirror and giggled.

A dull thud came from outside, and then footsteps coming up the stairs. julia shuddered, and quickly stepped down, scurrying behind the clothes on the rack. she wasn't supposed to be in here, mommy might get mad. julia tucked her legs underneath her arms and buried her head between her knees, trying her best not to make a peep from behind a velvet dress.

daddy came in, and his face was red and that wasn't normal because he never ever got mad. daddy started yelling and taking the clothes off the rack, screaming that he was sick and tired of you drinking away all the money, sharon, and that we'd have to sell some of these clothes to make up for it.

mommy stood behind him, arms crossed. mommy said that if you had a job, then maybe she could afford to have some fun once in a while.

that does it, daddy yelled, it wasn't his fault the company went under and it would help if she got a job instead of lazing around the house all day and mommy started to say something but then she got upset and went away.

julia sat with her head in her hands and sobbed. daddy found her behind the clothes and patted her head and wrapped his arm around her and said that he didn't mean it jules, he just lost his temper. julia smiled and reminded him not to call her jules, mommy always told her julia was a pretty name and it made her sound like a lady and we wanted to make mommy happy, right?

daddy just smiled and said sure, julia.